Posts Tagged ‘driving’

Saddle Sore

Monday, March 9th, 2009

GL1800I hit a milestone on my Goldwing yesterday, as I rolled over 50,000 miles on the odometer.

I bought the motorcycle in late September, 2003. Though I was one of those hit with the infamous Goldwing frame weld problem, it took less than two weeks to have the frame re-welded and no other system of the bike has come to trouble.

Of all the creature comforts and little blessings in the design, it is the engine which comes out being the most desirable part of the bike. 1,832 CC’s is hardly small and at 124 ft/lbs. of torque and 120 horsepower, the 850 pound monster still manages zero to sixty in four seconds flat. That speed of throttle has saved my ass from the Utard drivers more than once, as I was able to avoid blind merging, running red lights and other phenomena in the nearly endless menu of driver stupidity in this state. The braking is equally impressive for a bike its size, which again has saved my life more than once.

Either it is a testament to my willingness to compromise or simply to be satisfied with the way things are, or it is a statement on how well the bike fits me, but the only add-on’s I’ve installed on the beast have been highway pegs, power outlets and a GPS. Perhaps someday I’ll want a custom saddle, but so far my iron butt is holding out. Probably the most grueling ride I’ve done on this bike was a 22 hour ride from Salt Lake City to Minneapolis (including a half hour nap on a stone bench at a highway rest stop.) Because I was resting along the way, my failed Alaska attempt in 2004 wasn’t near as bad. Not that it lacked the miles. I went from Salt Lake City, up through Glacier National Park to Jasper, across to Vancouver, down to San Francisco, across to Akron, IN, up to visit family in Minneapolis and back home in six days on the road. That added up to about 4,800 miles total. Aside from running into a complete jerk posing as a border guard coming home from Canada, the trip was highly enjoyable.

I was trying to work out the money and time to hit Alaska this year, but financing simply isn’t going to happen. My wife and I are going to be spending far too much on house renovations this year to swing the trip. This leaves me with the conundrum of planning some other, less involved trip.

One possibility is to make a run to do the Tail of Dragon at Deal’s Gap, NC. This is probably the most famous motorcycle road in the country, following over 60 miles of mountain scenery, with one stretch of 11 miles of it holding 318 curves. Nothing gets a biker’s heart going more than a good road full of “twisties”. My only concern is just how popular the road is. There have been more than one horror stories of crashes due to riders pushing the envelope past their skill level. Being involved in such a skirmish doesn’t thrill me any.

Another thought is to hit the west coast again and spend more time in Oregon and Washington. I have a deep love for the upper northwest and wouldn’t mind spending more time in her mountain forests.

In any case, I’ll have to do some kind of trip this year. The winter has been a long one, with the most days called on account for snow that I’ve had in the decade I’ve lived in Utah. The cold doesn’t stop me, but icy roads do.

(Photo credit Honda Motor Co., Inc.)

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Posted in Asides, Motorcycles | 1 Comment »

Rock Slide

Wednesday, August 29th, 2007

It finally happened. I have finally witnessed the most unbelievable display of ass-hat driving that I could have possibly imagined. Oh, I can certainly ponder a slew of slapstick automotive events which could grace the filler of a Jackie Chan film, but what I’m referring to here was real. Very real. Yet, unbelievable.

In short: as I was riding up the mountain on my way home the other night (quietly snickering at the fact that my GoldWing still had acceleration going up a mountain side, nearly as much as on the flats) when I rounded a corner and spotted an SUV, facing the wrong way on the opposite lane of the road. Note, I said “facing” the wrong way, not traveling the wrong way. The vehicle was traveling in the correct direction for the side of the street it was on, it was just facing the wrong direction at the time.

Though not at great risk of being hit, I swerved far to the right as I went past and took a peek inside the vehicle. A dark haired woman was in the driver seat. She was talking on her cellphone while gesticulating with the other hand. As she was talking she was looking at herself in the center mirror from a distance of a foot or so, either inspecting her makeup or counting pores. In any case, her attention was on anything but driving. Dumb as a rock, that one.

I rode past and tallied up the score: this woman was rolling down a mountainside in an SUV, backwards, no brake lights on and accelerating, paying attention to her phone and her face, but oblivious to the road. Easily 100 points out of 100 for stupidity, with 20 extra credit points for being totally ignorant of the situation. I crap smarter than this.

I rounded the next corner and lost sight of her. I was tempted to turn around, but I was actually worried that I might get hurt in her spasms of attempted correction. Better to hear about it on the radio than to be part of it.

I saw no signs of an accident at the bottom of that run when I went into work this morning. I would hazard a guess that she became aware of the fact that she was rolling backwards down the mountain at some point during her phone conversation and took steps to correct the situation. I have to wonder which side of the road she was on when this happened.

I’ve talked about it a few times in this blog and I’m sure many readers are sick of it: but I feel it is my civic duty to warn outsiders about the dangerous conditions in Utah. Seriously, I’d rather take my chances in the desert without water for a week, or the flash flooding through the slot canyons during the rainy season, than to challenge the overwhelming stupidity of the average Utah driver.

If you’re visiting Utah, consider yourself warned.

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They shoot morons, don’t they?

Monday, June 25th, 2007

If I have said it once, I’ll say it again: Utards can’t drive.

This week in point… On just a five day commute from home to work and back again, a total of twelve miles one way, or 120 miles total a week – here is the score:

  • Merging into my lane without looking: 8 counts.
  • Merging into my lane without signaling: at least 25 counts.
  • Merging into my lane without either looking or signaling (this is not an inclusive score): 13 counts.
  • Performing a U-Turn through an intersection on a red light: 1 count
  • Performing a U-Turn through an intersection on a red light, from the right hand lane (this is not inclusive of the above): 1 count. This is the third time this has happened to me since I moved to this idiot haven!
  • Performing a left hand turn from the lane right of the left turn lane, through a red light: 1 count.
  • Weaving in and out of a lane of traffic, due to cellphone use: too many to count, but I hit 35 before I gave up keeping track.
  • Weaving in and out of a lane of traffic, due to no apparent cause: 3 counts.
  • Turning left – almost reaching the cross road crosswalk, but suddenly deciding to go straight, along half a block, in the lane of opposing traffic (AKA, the wrong side of the road): 1 count.
  • Crossing over a double yellow line in order to pass a bus, swearing at the people who were properly in their lane of travel for being in his way, screeching to a halt and honking at him: 1 count.

How the hell do these people survive? How is it that Darwin does not take these asshole’s miserable lives out of the picture at rates exceeding WWII combat? Why are we not allowed to shoot these morons on sight?

I guess if I can see any kind of silver lining to this otherwise dark cloud of vehicular mayhem, it’s that I now can qualify for police level defense driving without having to take an actual course on it.

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Maybe it’s the water?

Tuesday, May 1st, 2007

As a motorcyclist, I enjoy the sights, sounds and smells of a trip to levels that simply are not possible when stuck in a cage, er…car. The experience is beyond compare, even to bicycling, as at least for me, I’m too engrossed in the workout to really enjoy my surroundings when I’m peddling.

There is one sound I don’t like to hear on a motorcycle, however, that’s the sound of screeching tires behind me. In this case, I had already spotted the moron and had taken steps to dash to the side of the car in front of me, but the sound is not any less disconcerting. I’m not exactly sure what shit for brains was doing aside from driving, but it must have taken all of his attention. He had, at the very least, a mile long straight shot of nothing between his approach and the light I was stopped at. Assuming he couldn’t see the arc lamp like, bright taillights on my GoldWing, or the lights of the vehicle in front of me, or the lights of the vehicles in the other two lanes next to us; you would have hoped that he would see the traffic semaphore.

Such seemed to be par for the course for the commute this morning. I counted eight lane changes without signaling, five of which without looking – even in the rear view mirrors – to see if it was clear for the maneuver, three of them attempting to merge into me. One U-Turn through a red light (what the hell is it with this retarded stunt in Utah?) and five turnouts from side roads and parking lots without checking for oncoming traffic. Mix in four left hand turns through a red light, at least a half dozen running of a red light and two vehicles driving down the center line between lanes for no less than a full block (no, I am not joking!) – and you get one hell of a tally for a morning drive. All of this, was during a ten mile commute.

It is seriously a wonder that road fatalities in Utah are not higher.

To be honest, however, the lead Utah had in bad driving habits is quickly being closed in by other states. It seems as if the quality of drivers is declining in general and I have to ask why. What has changed? Is it something in the water?

Certainly there have always been those who would perform retarded stunts and general mayhem when behind the wheel, but they used to be the exception to the rule. It seems like they’re becoming the norm. I am well aware that public education is declining in near free fall, but I guess I made the mistake of assuming that driver education wouldn’t necessarily fall with it – as the government has a vested interest in keep the roads safe.

In any case, I’ll continue to ride with the attitude that everyone else on the road has been hired to kill me, and hopefully I’ll make it through my autumn days intact.

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Utards Can’t Drive

Friday, March 30th, 2007

Well, it’s General Conference time in Salt Lake City again. That means the city is filled with more Mormon drivers as can be found any other time. Some are from out of state, certainly, but considering what I’ve seen in Salt Lake when General Conference is not in session, I mostly blame the Utards.

I’ve traveled all over this country and I can’t think of a single place I’ve been with less talented drivers. The first week I was here, one of these road weaving geniuses decided to make a U-turn without the slightest notice, right in front of me. Sounds tame, actually, until you take into account that I was in the left lane and he was in the right lane of two heading east. Running a red light, mind you. At least he had the wrong turn signal on.

Back to General Conference. If you’re an outsider to Utah, this can best be described as lemmings running to the cliff edge. It should be called General Stampede. I have the unfortunate luck that my wife currently works downtown, so I must cross this no-sane-man’s land daily in our commute. You’ve heard the expression, “If you don’t like my driving, get off the sidewalk!” Here it’s, “If you don’t like my driving, get out of the bathroom!”

Further, the stampede is for a general gang-wanking over the LDS Profit, G. B. Hinckley. Apparently, like the Catholic Pope, he has some special mental phone line to God, that only followers of the religion can make sense of, or believe. General Stampede is the time the Profit is the answering machine, playing back the messages to the masses.

Now before you accuse me of poor spelling, I should relate here that I see nothing prophetic in Hinckley’s veiled sexism and general vagueness. Pro-family, God is love, blah, blah, blah… For a prophet, he doesn’t seem to have a clear phone line.

Back in 2004 he had a interview with Larry King:

KING: What happens when you die?
HINCKLEY: When you die? Well, I’m not fully conversant with that. I haven’t passed through that yet.

Well, shit! That’s damned insightful, eh?

Ah, but there is money to be made. No doubt about that. Like the Catholic Church, the LDS Church sees a lot of currency in the collection plates.

Hence, the Profit Hinckley.

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Posted in Asides, religion | 1 Comment »