I’ve come to the conclusion that following the Mormon faith makes you into an idiot, even if you didn’t start out that way.

Case in point, the drivers in the state of Utah. This morning, while motorcycling to work, I once again nearly died due to the amazing ignorance of the typical Utah driver. I call them Utards, for short. It started off typically enough, with two cars on the south bound two lanes of a divided highway, driving side by side. Neither would speed up or slow down. They were a moving wall. Eventually the one to the left decided that he wanted to merge to the right and signaled (a rarity) but when he tried to speed up to make some space, the car on the right sped up as well, to keep in parallel with the other.

This stalemate lasted for about twenty or thirty seconds, until the driver wanting to merge finally decided that he needed to speed up more than he had been and finally got ahead and merged to the right, in front of his previous dancing partner. They remained in this position for several seconds, with no sign of change, so since we were still about ten miles per hour under the limit and the car which had been on my left had fallen well behind, I decided to change left and pass them.

About the time I was half way past the rear car, with a conveniently placed metal guard to my left, he decides to merge into me without signaling his intention, or obviously checking his blind spot. He didn’t even check his mirror, to be honest. I clamped down hot on the brakes and for once managed to hit the horn at the same time (often I don’t have time to do this.) He suddenly spots me, over-compensates and nearly goes off the other side of the road into the ditch.

With my heart in my throat, I make my way past both of these dimwits and take a left turn off onto a freeway entrance ramp. This ramp leads up to it’s own lane on the freeway, which ends after about a quarter mile – to allow for smooth merging during rush hour. As I’m approaching the last eighth of a mile of this lane, moving faster than the freeway traffic to my left, another moron decides to merge to the right – right into me. No checking of the blind spot. No checking of his mirrors. He just cheerfully starts to merge into me, as I’m moving past. A quick downshift and twist of the throttle and I’m barely out of harms way again, with the driver merging in behind me, suddenly braking hard as he spots me.

First off, why the hell was he merging into a lane that was going to end in less than an eighth of a mile? There was clear visibility on a straight, flat shot of road – with at least one sign indicating that the lane was going to end. Secondly, why would either of these idiots merge without even the slightest check of clearance? Thirdly, why do they react with absolute shock that a vehicle is suddenly in the position they never checked? It’s like the time I was rear ended in my truck and the driver of the car behind me claimed to the police officer that I was in his “blind spot”.

From conversations I’ve had with various Mormons in the state of Utah, I’ve come to understand that they are completely, utterly ignorant of anything outside of their religious teachings. A great example was a conversation with a supposedly “open minded” Mormon, who’s first question asked of me was “what religion I was”, as if everyone needs a religion to exist. When I told him that I was atheist, he clearly couldn’t understand the concept that I don’t worship anything and when I stated that I saw at least some reasonable ideas in Buddhist concepts, his reply was, “So you worship Buddha, then?” Silly me, here I assumed even Buddhists don’t worship Buddha. Buddhists don’t worship anything. Never would I have guessed that finding reasonableness in some religious tenant is a declaration of worship of the religion’s namesake.

It wasn’t until I had a conversation with another Mormon acquaintance that I found the answer to the driving dangers and other stances of ignorance in Utah. He is a lapsed Mormon, much to the ire of his family, and he plainly stated that most in the church have a deeply entrenched belief that God is protecting them from all harm. They believe that a mystical, magical figure is guiding their hand in every action and keeping them safe – no matter what.

So, there you have it. They merge without even looking in their mirrors, they turn and change lanes without signaling, they make U-turns through red lights at intersections, they check their makeup in the mirror while rolling backwards down a mountainside – because they believe that God is guiding them and keeping them safe. Like religious ostriches, with their heads planted firmly up God’s ass, they remain blissfully unaware of their surroundings, with the unwavering belief that their mystical maker is going to co-pilot every aspect of their life for them – allowing them to absolve themselves of any personal responsibility and any action of caution that others outside of this delusion would take for granted as required.

Perhaps I should just be thankful that they’re blissfully ignorant. If they knew what was going on around them, I’m sure the reaction of shock would be more than those outside of the Mormon church would want to deal with.